4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
