I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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