Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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