i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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