Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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