He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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