I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
