at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
