bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
