My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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