Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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