Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
