A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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