I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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