Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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