Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
