I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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