I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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