At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize