he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
