I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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