I think I am morally bankrupt
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize