I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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