from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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