Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
