So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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