weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
