My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
