help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
