Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
