I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
