Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
