Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
