what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I could make wine with my vomit
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
