I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
