oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
