I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize