Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
