Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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