I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
