my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize