I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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