if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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