You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
