so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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