so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
