i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize