The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
