Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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