turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
