what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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