Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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