just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
