I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
