so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
