swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
