every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
