dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
