sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I need to align my fucking chakras
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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