And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
