a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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