I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize