is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
