And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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