The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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