wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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