the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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